i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
