I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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