Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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