Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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