just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
