I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
