Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Help me help you realize you are a moron
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
