Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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