She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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