That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
