and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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