Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He has the fingertips of a God
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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