Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize