Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
