I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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