I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I feel like abortions should bother me more
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
