It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
