Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
