I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
