So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
