I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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