38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I need water and some morals
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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