Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
