she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
