I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
