My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
