If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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