They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I checked into jail on foursquare
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
