you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
