on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mom said you looked used
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
