i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
