Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
