Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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