There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
