the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
