and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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