We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
