It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
