She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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