Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
