My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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