he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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