How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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