at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
