I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
