Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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