Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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