Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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