He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
