god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
