I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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