They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
