I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize