Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
