its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
