Having a random hookup so left but love u
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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