so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
