Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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