I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
