porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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