There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
