I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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