Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My bed smells like the plague
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
