Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
