It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
