u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize