Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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