I want to walk on stilts...naked
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
