It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
