I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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