NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
