I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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