So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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